The Most Frustrating thing you can say to someone dealing with depression and/or anxiety...

I'm sure we all know someone who appears to be sad or down all the time. Facial expressions, body language, social media posts... all dead giveaways. The first thing you say to them is "oh it's not that bad", "you'll be fine" "be positive" or my personal favorite "there's always someone who has it worse" . Thank you captain obvious for making that completely irrelevant but true statement. 

There are millions of people with worse problems than what I or they may be dealing with. But did it ever occur to you that saying that to someone isn't going to make them feel anything less upset about what they have going on? What do they care about what Brad in Iowa is upset or depressed over? It doesn't make the problems that they wake up with everyday hurt any less. 

People are so quick to have the solutions to everyone's problems when the only true solution is to be understanding and supportive. Sometimes all these people want or need is someone to let them vent and get some weight off of their shoulders. Most people put up fronts like everything is fine but inside are begging for the help that their mouths won't allow them to ask for. Usually for the reasons listed above, these people won't try and confide in friends or family because they seem to make things worse with dismissive comments or attitudes so they end up holding it in and suffering in silence. 

It's true, thinking positive is something these people could stand to do. It definitely would make things better but don't you think they're trying to do that?Or have done that? Do you know how hard it is for someone who sufferers from anxiety or depression or both to form clear and rational thoughts? It's extremely hard to do. Mood swings are also apart of the equation which make things more fun (in the most sarcastic tone possible). 

This isn't designed to be a pity piece, or a "feel sorry for me" type deal, simply a means of understanding. In order to understand how these folks think you must be able to understand their mindset and what goes into it. It's HARD for someone who's depressed to "be happy" all the time or even some of the time. Hell, some days it take every ounce of strength they have just to get up out of bed and be productive. 

Most of these people are taking steps on their own to try and combat their problems. Whether it be seeking out professional help, medication, or other means they deem necessary. Others might be struggling to find their way or don't have the courage or have too much pride to seek help. So rather than dismiss their problems as "not that bad" just be understanding and listen. Sometimes that's all they need. They don't expect you to have the answers to their problems. Sometimes they just need an ear to listen to them. 

They already feel some kind of way about themselves, don't add too it by making them feel like their problems aren't important.

Inside the mind of an overthinker.

Overthinking is a side effect, or rather, symptom of depression and anxiety. All three go hand in hand. Once you experience one the other two aren't far behind. All three are a part of the mental illness family and I'm sure seeing that word, mental illness, caused you to raise an eyebrow. When you hear or think mental illness you think "crazy" right? Well when referring to a schizophrenic or bipolar diagnosis you're technically not far off but there's much more to the topic than just simply being "crazy". It's way deeper than that. 

Let me provide an example. You remember that time you got a text from that guy or girl you like and you immediately sent it to your best friend and said "oh my god idk what he/she means? Does he/she like me? And then you went on to spend the next thirty minutes, the next hour, the next however long trying to get to the bottom of this message you got? Congratulations, you now know what it's like to overthink something. Now imagine feeling that same feeling every day about everything all the time. Sounds exhausting right? Well it is. It's extremely exhausting, and draining, and frustrating and any other negative emotion you couple possibly attach it. To put it simply, it sucks. 

Trust issues are a major trigger for overthinking. If you find it hard to trust people fully or at all, it's easy to try and find lies in anything people say to you. The biggest trigger of all is fear. The fear of failing, fear of being hurt, fear of  feeling like you don't measure up to someone else's standards, or your own for that matter. 

One of the worst feelings in life is to constantly feel like you're being played with or lied to by everyone. No matter whether they gave you reason to doubt them or not somehow you always find yourself feeling like you're not being told everything you need to know in every situation you find yourself in. It's a lonely and miserable feeling always thinking to yourself "what am I missing?" "What are they not saying?". This is not something you can just stop either. It becomes a trained response after awhile. As soon as something happens your mind takes off at 100 MPH and goes for what seems like infinity. Not to mention the physical toll it takes on you. 

The emotions it invokes are so intense it literally drains you. Drains you of your overall mood, your appetite, your energy, your will. Anger, sadness, regret, confusion, frustration, sadness all become amplified. You become a prisoner inside your own mind with seemingly no way out. No matter how hard you try to remain calm and level headed but it just doesn't work. I've read there are ways to try and combat this behavior and to put it frankly it's easier said than done. Things like thinking of the positives, giving yourself a timeline in which to come to think about things and come to a decision, not second guessing. All sound good on paper but actually training yourself to use these methods is the real challenge. 

I'll give you a personal example. A few years back I found myself in a situation in which I knew I wasn't being given all the facts. Pieces of the story weren't adding up or making sense, the overthinking kicked in and sent me into detective mode. I drove myself nearly insane trying to find the answers I was so desperately seeking. Until that is, I went searching for those answers, and found EXACTLY what I was looking for. It's one thing to have an idea of the truth in your mind but to actually see it it's 100 times worse than any thought can ever be. I made  myself literally sick. It ruined me. I made a secret promise to myself to never let that happen to me again. Never to allow myself to get that far gone to put myself in that position ever again. And I haven't. 

At the risk of repeating myself on anything we'll end it here. Hope you appreciate the "behind the scenes" look into the mind of an overthinker. Probably a lot darker and deeper than you imagined it could ever be. But then again, so is life.