Thoughts at 12 AM

There come times in life when you are gifted people into your world. We all have friends and family who are there for us and who are able to lift us up when we are down and to motivate us to chase our dreams. But most times there will also be people who are placed in your life outside of your friends and family who are there to provide those same things sometimes in a different manner or better.
It could be anyone. Just think: That one teacher who was seemingly harder on you than others your sophomore year of high school, a random stranger you meet in passing conversation, a manager at your job, or even a girlfriend or boyfriend. These people are placed in our lives sometimes knowingly other times unknowingly.

Regardless these people will forever change you in ways that you may not be able to imagine or even understand until these people have come and gone from your life. Just their mere presence inspires and motivates you to be the best version of yourself. When their presence causes you to immediately step your game up to the next level. As you read this, you're probably thinking about a person you have or had in your life who fits this description. Let me help with that. This person is always there for you in ways that others close to you can't be. They continuously support you and your aspirations and push you to get to them. When you have days where you don't even want to do anything but lay in bed and sleep but they bust in the room and demand you get up and go do something productive.

That constant kick in the ass that more times than not you scoff at and complain about but you know deep down you need. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a person in their life that they can go to when they need help, when they need an extra push, or when they need to be given a serious dose of reality. Many of us may never have that kind of person in your life, some of us have them and are unable to realize their value, others have had them and lost them for any number of reasons but the fact still remains..

As I said before these types of people can literally be found anywhere if you look hard enough at the people you have in your life or have had in your life. Think back to the time when you decided to put off doing school work to do something else like go outside and play, or pick up your phone, watch TV, play a video game. That person probably said something like "now you know that homework is due tomorrow/in a couple of days/next week, you need to get started on it". Think about a time where you half ass wrote a paper or half ass did an assignment at school and turned it in and the teacher handed it back to you and told you "I need to see more from you, do better" (I personally can attest to this one).

Nobody truly likes school so I can't really blame those for wanting to do just enough to get by, but that person refuses to let you do "just enough" because there will be a moment in time in your future where "just enough" won't cut it and may cost you dearly. If you've made it this far and you're thinking to yourself "isn't that what friends and family are for?" Yes. That is exactly what they are for. They are the main ones who you need to help you get where you want to go in life. What if though, their methods do nothing for you? Maybe the way the explain things to you doesn't make sense or help you. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh pair of eyes to look at a situation. Sometimes it takes a fresh voice or opinion on a subject to make the resolution become more clear in your mind.

If I've given you nothing be sure to read/hear what I am about to say here: cherish these people. Hold onto them Thank them for their input, thank them for their support, thank them for their love. Most importantly just make sure they know you appreciate them because at any moment they can be taken from you. By walking out, by death, by any other reason. Know their worth and appreciate it, value it, because you can wake up one day and no longer have them by your side.

11-6-2012

  I will never forget that day. The night before I remember leaving the hospital. I saw you laying there in the bed. I kissed you and told you I loved you before I left. I knew I would be back the next day just like I every single day the past three weeks. This time though, something in my heart was worried that this would be the last time we would see each other. Fast forward seven hours later, and those fears became reality. "Your phone is ringing, I think it's your grandma." I looked down at my phone and it was indeed her calling to give me the news that i feared was coming. When I got to the hospital and saw all the family gathered in the hallway it started to become that much more real. In my younger days I would often think about how I would react on this day.

  Its something you know will eventually come but you never think anything of it because the perception of time isn't taken into account. You think you've got much more time than you really do. Years fly by and then you wake up one day and people you love and cherish are no longer there. And that is what happened to me. As everyone began to clear out of the room I stayed behind, just taking everything in. Then, it hit me, I had just lost the greatest man I had ever known.  Anyone who knows me knows I was raised by my grandparents. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, I literally had everything I could have ever wanted, needed, or asked for.

Everything that I am comes mostly from the two of them. For those who knew him, you can see everything that is important to me I got from my grandfather. So many things I learned as a child that to this day I still keep with me. I was taught to carry a wallet from a very young age, to never leave home without something to identify myself with. I was doing chores at an early age, learning the value of hard work, something today's kids have never and will never know anything about. The lessons only got more valuable as I got older. I was taught how to treat others the way that I want to be treated, I learned how to work on cars, I learned how to carry myself in a way that could be a positive reflection on the people I love. People don't realize that the silly things they get in trouble for are a negative reflection on the rest of your family. You taught me that at a very young age that how I acted was a direct reflection on you and nana. I got in trouble some as most kids do, but I always tried my best not to embarrass the name of our family.

There was one day a few months before you got sick where we talked and you told me that you were proud of me. There aren't words I can use to describe how much that meant to me. I made sure you knew I appreciated that. I needed it. Those words live in my head. I'm sure I've been told that before but for some reason this time stood out more than the others. If I die tonight or the next day, I'll be alright just because I have those words to hold onto. No matter how much time passes it never will get easier and I'll never be over it, but what I can and will do is keep going. I would never stop because I can't stomach the thought of letting you down. A couple weeks ago I was out and a friend asked me why I wear these dog tags. I felt my eyes well up and I had to walk away and compose myself. 

Where do I even begin? No matter where I go every time I leave the house they're with me. When I'm driving they hang on the rear view mirror. They protect me and keep me safe. When I go out anywhere I wear them around my neck and make sure they're out in plain sight. Nothing can ever replace the hole that's been in my heart since you left but at least this way you'll always be close to me, guiding me wherever I go. You truly were/are my hero and I will push forward in everything to continue to make you proud and in return I know you'll continue to watch over me. 

Until we meet again. I love you Pop Pop